Things I Think I Think: Nisswa Turtle Races

The small town of Nisswa, Minnesota, is just north of the slightly larger small town of Brainerd in the central ‘lakes’ region of the state. During the summer months they’ve held “Turtle Races” every Wednesday for 48 years. I always seem to miss them every time we’re up here, but not today – today I was ready to race! We hit Nisswa where I caught Bieber Fever.

Registration started at 1:00 with the first heat races starting at 2:00. There were 400 people that signed up today. They numbered us and we raced in qualifying heats of 20 people (or I suppose turtles would be more accurate) each. The winner of each heat advanced to one of two semi-finals, with the two semi winners facing off in a championship race. After standing in a rather long line, Nel and I were assigned as #155 and #156. Branelle’s mom joined us and while we waited for our heats we walked around town and I attempted to get “in the zone” with a Turtle Donut from a local bakery.

When it was finally time for our race we headed into the circle like a couple of gladiators, ready to do anything for the win (well, at least one of us – Nel just seemed to be there to have a good time. I swear, sometimes I wonder if that girl is really a Texan at all). You basically just pick out a turtle from a bucket provided by turtle wranglers and line up inside a circle. When the MC says “GO”, you release your turtle and try to encourage him to move towards an outer circle as quickly as possible. Splashing water on him seems to be the preferred method. Unfortunately, our turtles let us down. Mine was probably only about half way across the circle when our heat was won, and Nel’s never even left the starting line.

I thought my dreams of being a Turtle Racing Champion had ended…..until I was informed of the “Out of State” races after the open class. After the finals (which came down to two sisters who had brought their own trained turtle from home and dominated the day), they had races for out of state people. There were quite a few of us so they had two heats with about 25-30 in each heat. Nel and I were in the first heat since our badges were between 1 and 200. I’m calling this “Turtle Racing Part II – Redemption”. I stepped up to the circle and confidently picked out my champion. The rest is legend!

DOMINATING the "Out of State" Race.

WINNING!
(just like Charlie Sheen)

In the Out of State Final I was pitted against Logan from Colorado (and his mom – cheating I’m sure). I tried to stare him down before the race, but Logan wouldn’t make eye contact. Wimp!

It didn’t go in my favor, but I still got a ribbon for my race victory. Logan was able to use his winning turtle from the previous race while I had to blindly pick a new one for mine. After the races, we headed into a small bookstore so Nel’s mom could look for something. Nel asked me if I wanted anything while we were there. I said “only if they have any books for Turtle Racing Champions on the subject of living with non-turtle racing champions”. She was only mildly amused.

We decided to get in a little golf late in the afternoon. Brainerd is one of Golf Digests “best golf destinations” and I always bring my clubs on summer trips here. We didn’t have a lot of time so we decided to stay close to home and hit Birch Bay, a little 9-hole course on Gull Lake.

In an area full of fantastic courses, Birch Bay isn’t one of them. That said, it’s still in good shape and priced accordingly. It plays very short, but the greens are small and you really need to hit the ball straight to stay out of trouble. I ended up shooting a 5-over 41 – not great but it could have been MUCH worse. My tee shot on the first hole got a bird – and by that I mean actually killed a little bird. I pulled a 3-wood a little and it clipped a tree down the left side of the fairway. When we got up to the ball I was extremely sad to see that it had struck and killed a little bird. As an animal lover I was really saddened by this. It took me a couple of holes to shake it off so I started bogey – double. I was able to get back on track by driving the green on a par 4 and hitting a couple of putts. I only brought one driver (my Taylor Made Burner – so I would have to work on it) and I think it’s broken. It’s making a strange sound and not carrying like it should. I could probably come up with a few more excuses if I tried.

Stairing one down at Birch Bay

After golfing we decided to take the boat over to a restaurant on Gull Lake called Ernie’s. Nel’s parents live on Round Lake which connects with Gull through a small channel. It’s a lot of fun to take the boat to dinner – something I’d like to do back home. We headed out from their house around 7:30.

Where's the dock? "Over there"

We pulled into Ernie’s and got a table outside on the patio and enjoyed a nice dinner while the sun went down. After dinner we headed back in the dark – a little more of a challenge. The channel between lakes is a little shallow and without a light it’s impossible to spot rocks or high spots. Next time a spot light!