The 10 Ugliest Cars You Can Buy (but please don't)

While driving around, I pay attention to the cars on the road.  It's something I'm interested in and even when I'm not consciously looking, vehicles catch my eye for different reasons.  Every time I see my neighbor pull out of his gate in his new Mercedes SL63 AMG with its Matte White finish I can't help but be captured by the gorgeous and aggressive lines of the beast.  Unfortunately, I notice a lot of cars for the opposite reason - as in "why would anyone buy that?...or even MAKE it?"

I decided to put together a 'Top-10 List' of the ugliest cars you can buy today.  This list is limited to new models that you could buy at your dealership tomorrow (if you're blind anyway).  My initial list of "ugly cars" was long, and narrowing it down wasn't easy.  Some of the vehicles that barely missed out on the top 10 ranged from the common and cheap like the Toyota Yaris and Honda Fit all the way to the ridiculously expensive and rare Maybach.  Anyway, here goes - with apologies for what you are about to see.

#10 - Acura ZDX & Honda Crosstour

They're basically the same car so I threw them both in here.  It's actually not a bad vehicle, although describing it might take a little effort.  It shares the platform with the MDX, but with a stubby body that creates huge blind spots and limits cargo and head room.  The Honda version is more plain, but not any prettier.  The Acura suffers from that horrible "power plenum grill" they put on all their cars now.  To be fair, my wife Branelle has actually commented that she finds these "interesting".  I think they are both hideous.  Looks is a good enough reason not to consider one of these, but perhaps the biggest reason is the MDX - it's bigger, rides better, and is even a little cheaper…and it's MUCH more attractive.

#9 - Nissan Murano Crosscabriolet

Nissan is going to make this list more than once, and I don't want you to think I'm picking on them - the 370Z is a good looking budget sports car (finally) and the GT-R is very cool looking in its own way.  I also think the Maxima is a very attractive car for what it is.  Unfortunately, not all Nissan styling hits the mark.  The Murano Crosscabriolet is ugly with the top down, but absolutely appalling with the top up.  Fortunately they don't sell many of these so your chances of seeing one are slim.  When topless, it reminds me of some old car that someone took a chainsaw to in order to "create" a convertible.  I'll give it props for being unique, but that's not always a good thing.  My friend Barry has mentioned that he kind of likes this thing - is there an intervention in his future?

#8 - Mazda 3

This could have just as easily been the Mazda 2 or the Mazda 5, but the 3 is the most common sight offender.  Some of these in wagon or hatchback layout aren't that bad, but the base sedan is just fugly!  The worst view is from the front.  That open mouth grill is unattractive and cheap looking - kind of like it's smiling at you with no teeth.  These are simply basic transportation, but at least Mazda could try.

#7 - Chrysler Town & Country / Dodge Grand Caravan

All minivans, by definition, are horrible life-sucking entities for adults who have basically given up (and probably didn't have a whole lot going on before they did).  That said, some are worse looking than others.  The current Chrysler / Dodge offerings are at the top of the list in my book.  I can remember when the Town & Country was the best looking minivan on the road (kind of like saying the Banana Slug is the best looking cephalopod), but the current version can best be described as "bland".  I see these quite often and they always look like cargo vans to me…which I suppose is basically what they are.

#6 - Ford Transit Connect

This is a vehicle that shouldn't be in here because it's a purpose-built commercial van aimed at small business owners.  However, you can drive over to your local Ford dealership and grab one tomorrow so it has to be considered.  I'm probably being kind by placing it 6th - it really is astonishingly ugly!  These have been rocking Europe for some time now and unfortunately have made their way to the states.  You probably won't see too many of these in driveways (thank goodness), but you'll have to endure them from time to time on the roads, especially if you live in large urban areas like New York or Chicago.

#5 - Smart ForTwo

There are way more of these on the road than there should be.  When Daimler first brought this little European two-seater to America, I thought it would be a passing fad - and it should have been.  However, I notice these little distinctively styled cars more and more…in Houston!...a place where they make absolutely NO sense!  Aside from being an assault on the eyes, the Smart is a terrible car that doesn't even get great gas mileage.  The cars only real trick is that you can park it on the street by pulling it straight in.  We noticed this all over Europe the last time we were there and they really take advantage of it.  Unfortunately, I don't have to go very far to see a Smart - our 93-year-old next door neighbor has one along with a Mini and a Lexus GS - but she drives the little silver Smart most of the time.  I get a great look at it too because she takes about 5 minutes to back it down the drive and out her gate (cute - her, not the car).  Another amusing note is that she parks the Mini and the Smart in the same garage stall, nose to tail.

#4 - Nissan Cube

I think these things are hideous!  The sad thing is that most Cube buyers probably get one BECAUSE of the looks.  Those people should have their heads examined.  This is the only car I can think of that looks different depending on which side of the vehicle you're standing - a result of that ridiculous wrap around rear window on the right side.  I could have thrown the Nissan Juke in here as well - my wife would have, she HATES those things - but the polarizing styling of the little frog-like Juke doesn't offend me to the degree it does Nel.  The Cube, on the other hand, gets my gag reflex cued up.  Nissan offers nearly limitless customizing options for the Cube, but you're just putting makeup on a pig (sorry pigs).

#3 - Nissan Leaf

Not to pile on Nissan, but the Leaf's horrible looks are trumped only by how bad of a car it actually is.  If you've ever stopped to really look at one of these things, you should be wondering what Nissan was thinking.  There is some good news though:  it takes 21 hours to fully charge the battery on a 110 current so the ugly Leaf will spend more time in the garage than on the streets, and with a practical range of about 73 miles (as long as you aren’t on the highway or using the climate control system) you won't find many Leaf owners "joy-riding", further lessoning the chances of having to gaze upon the ugly electric.  Another plus is that with its nearly silent running gear, you might not hear one coming and therefor won't turn around and have to look at it.  More good news, for me anyway, is that you won't see these cluttering up Houston streets so much - it's really a West Coast thing. 

#2 - Scion iQ

A lot of Scions could have made this list - the tC is the ONLY one I wouldn't kick out of bed - but the iQ is in an ugly league all its own.  This ultra-compact has been sold in Europe as a Toyota for years, but it's now been brought to the US to assail our vision.  The model that toured the auto show circuit wasn't bad, but of course the actual product is more bland and less tolerable.  The iQ is about a foot longer than the Smart, its competition, but still about two feet shorter than the much better looking Fiat 500.  It's hard to make a short car that looks good, so hard in fact that I dare say it hasn't happened yet.  Keep trying folks (but not you guys Scion…you can stop now).

#1 - Mitsubishi i

The ugliest car you can buy in America, isn't for sale in America…yet.  Sadly, this egg-shaped Japanese electric will go on sale on the east and west coasts this spring.  The Mitsubishi i is basically just like the Nissan Leaf - only uglier!  It really does look like an egg with four wheels stuck under it.  Forget the fact that at highway speeds the wind noise and stability will make you wish you were on a scooter, or that you should probably keep a copy of your will and medical directive in the glove compartment because if you have an accident in one of these you'll need both.  The looks alone should be enough to deter anyone from purchasing this vehicular abomination.  They aren't cheap like the Scion either - expect to pay somewhere north of $30K for one.  Like the Leaf, you do qualify for a $7500 tax credit, but I'm not sure that's enough for the plastic surgery you'll need to disguise yourself to avoid being seen.