I Married My Wife's Sister! (True Statement)

I Married My Wife's Sister!

(True Statement)

Okay, I know the title sounds a bit like some incestuous "Sister Wives" spin-off, but it is a true statement. My wife has twin sisters, and the bride here is Andrea. She and her fiance Kyle got the idea, for some reason, that I would be a good person to officiate their marriage. 

Now, if you think this is going to be some sappy wedding post with a bunch of pretty pictures of the beautiful bride and the rest of the wedding party...NOPE. She had her day. This is all about me! 

  
It started out with this puzzle. Andrea was visiting us and she asked me to put a puzzle together on the kitchen table. I finished it and she said "What do you think?" I didn't get it at first. I thought she was trying out some clever way of sending out invitations. I was supportive though - "It's kind of cool I guess."  Ohhhhhhh - I get it. 

I went to my office that night and Googled how to become an ordained minister. It's shockingly easy - too easy really. There are tons of "churches" that will ordain you. You just answer a few questions and pay them. I chose the Universal Life Church. Their ordained members include Richard Branson, Conan O'Brian, The Rock, Paul McCartney, and Lady Gaga to name a few....and now me. I emerged that same evening to announce that I was now a man of the cloth and would be happy to marry them.

There were some procedural hurdles though. The wedding was going to be in Minnesota and every state and even county has different things you need to do to perform a service there. I took care of all of that over the next few weeks.

My wife and daughter were also in the wedding, albeit in minor and non-critical roles as I continuously pointed out. 

They did a lot of the pictures before the service, including this standard Minnesota lakeside wedding dock pic. I think that's a good idea as it frees you up after the ceremony. I wasn't needed for any of this so I just hung out. We had done a really basic walk-through at rehearsal the day before and I had a pretty good idea of what I was going to say so my job didn't start until game time.

When it was time to go, Kyle and I took our positions and waited for everyone to join us. As the officiant, you don't even have to march.

You may have surmised by now that it was raining. Andrea and Kyle decided not to let it bother them and that was a great call. We had tons of umbrellas for everyone and other than some wet seats it was fine. For my part I added a few reasons why you would want rain on your wedding day to the ceremony to open up... 

#3 - The flowers should last longer.
#6 - I suppose if you have seasonal allergies they shouldn't be a problem.

  
I gave the ceremony a lot of thought...although I'll admit that I sort of wrote it out the night before the wedding - but that's how I do a lot of things. Andrea and Kyle had given me some guidance on how they wanted certain things to go like the vows and a specific reading and a blessing, but they pretty much left it up to me as to the tone and content of the service. I decided to go with lighthearted and fun! 

To each their own, but I'm not a fan of serious weddings. If your wedding is serious, what kind of life are you going to have? 

I wasn't 100% sure how it would play out, but this picture kind of sums it up. Andrea and Ari are clearly amused. My wife is like "Yep, he just said that", and the rest of the bridesmaids, who I didn't know, were not sure if it was okay to laugh or not. 

There were serious moments, but I spaced them and tried to keep them lighthearted as well. 

Turns out there are only a couple of requirements to make a marriage ceremony legal. There's the Declaration of Intent - that's the "I do, I do" part. and then there's the Pronouncement. We covered it all.

I took a few liberties with what I wrote in my binder as simply "Pontificate". I talked about why we have weddings anyway:

"If you think about it, the whole thing is kind of weird, right? I mean, you're being married by your brother-in-law, who clearly has no idea what he's doing. I've never seen your hair like that, and if I'm being honest a couple of these guys (pointing to the groomsman) look kind if sketchy to me."

I also followed protocol and gave them some words of advice, which they hopefully ignored.

Finally, I checked the box by pronouncing them husband and wife followed by:

"Kyle, you may kiss my sister."

Success! 

After the ceremony there were the obligatory family photos that couldn't be done prior. 

My job wasn't done with the ceremony though. The wedding party took a pair of boats out on Gull Lake for a spin while the guests enjoyed a cocktail hour on the patio. I was tasked with driving one of the boats. There's a whole story that goes back years on this one but I won't get into it here. 

The rest of the evening was dinner and reception type stuff. As the minister, I was asked to say a prayer before dinner. I'm not a particularly religious person, but I respect everyone's beliefs and I always took any parts of the event that were religious very seriously. 

Toasting at the reception was not a requirement for the officiant, but it was for my wife. Her father passed away before her other sister Ari got married and Branelle has taken it upon herself to fill the rather large void he left by bringing humor to the reception - something he did at our wedding and would have undoubtedly done at both of the twins big days. 

We decided to present them with a number of very personal and thoughtful gifts and we kind of tag-teamed the toast.

When Branelle first met Kyle he had a Pontiac with a Pontiac sticker over the windshield. This made quite an impression on her for some reason. I asked her what she thought about the boy when she got home and she said something like "he seemed nice enough, but he had a Pontiac sticker on his windshield." He drives a Ford now.

Speaking of what he drives, I encouraged him to take control over his garage early in the marriage, before Andrea filled it up with some re-purposing hobby or something like that.

We wanted to include their puppy Denali in our toast, and Branelle loves Christmas sweaters, so....

Andrea works for Anderson Windows, and Kyle works for 3M. We have built an entire guest house since they've been there, but did we ever get any kind of window discount or even a free post-it note? No. So Nel thought we should give them a 10% off coupon for Pella Windows and some Gorilla glue.

Speaking of Nel, I usually tell her not to try to be funny, but she was great here. 

For years, Andrea (and Ari for that matter) have insisted that I am not qualified to drive their boat in Round Lake. I mean, it's called Round Lake - the lake is round...what are you going to hit? Anyway, I wanted to spare Kyle the same indignation so I gave him an Admiral's kit.

My favorite gift, and I'm sure their's too, was this snow shovel to remind Kyle that he's part of the family now and if he ever needs help with anything he can just give me a call and I'll be there....unless it's cold or there's snow involved...or I'm busy that day or....well, he can call and we'll see.

After all of the fun and shenanigan's, there was one last official duty to perform and that was signing the marriage license. My work here was complete. I did have to mail it in to make it official but I took care of that....eventually....I think. Well, I'm pretty sure they're married.

The rest of the evening was celebrating and dancing, which I did not take part in. My daughter though....she danced all night until she literally collapsed on the dance floor. My mom came with us to Minnesota to help out with the children and we really appreciated it. She kept Brooks during and after the ceremony and was undoubtedly waiting for Samantha to join them for bed but she partied into the wee hours of the night.

Samantha really enjoyed the wedding, as did everyone else I think. Shockingly, I haven't been asked to officiate anything else since. I'm going to assume that's because everyone thinks I would be too expensive. 

In all seriousness, it was a great wedding and it was a pleasure to be a part of it. Andrea and Kyle declined my offer to provide pre-marital counseling, which would have saved them $75 off their marriage license in the state of Minnesota....and maybe their marriage. Well, they have my number.

The fun continues around our house as I get to say things like "As a man of the cloth..." and watch my mom shake her head and Branelle say things like "Oh boy".